All our acts, reasoned and unreasoned, are selfish

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

I knew a man who grabbed a cat by the tail and learned forty percent more about cats than the man who didn't.

I pledged myself to smoke but one cigar a day. I kept the cigar waiting until bedtime, then I had a luxurious time with it. But desire persecuted me every day and all day long. I found myself hunting for larger cigars...within the month my cigar had grown to such proportions I could have used it as a crutch.

The convention missionaries call "modesty" has no standard, and cannot have one, because it is opposed to nature and reason and is therefore an artificiality and subject to anybody's whim - anybody's diseased caprice.

You can't pray a lie -- I found that out.

It's not the parts of the Bible I don't know that worries me...it's the parts that I do.