what is joy without sorrow? what is success without failure? what is a win without a loss? what is health without illness? you have to experience each if you are to appreciate the other. there is always going to be suffering. it’s how you look at your suffering, how you deal with it, that will define you.

You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use.

I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened.

It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive.

More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the [biblical] texts that authorised them remain.

Never tell a lie-except for practice.

New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.