It has been reported that I was seriously ill--it was another man; dying--it was another man; dead--the other man again...As far as I can see, nothing remains to be reported, except that I have become a foreigner. When you hear it, don't you believe it. And don't take the trouble to deny it. Merely just raise the American flag on our house in Hartford and let it talk.

One of the proofs of the immortality of the soul is that myriads have believed it. They also believed the world was flat.

It is so unsatisfactory to read a noble passage and have no one you love at hand to share the happiness with you. And it is unsatisfactory to read to one's self anyhow - for the uttered voice so heightens the expression.

We were surprised how closely the cuckoo imitated the clock-and yet, of course, it could never have heard a clock.

The Church has opposed every innovation and discovery from the day of Galileo down to our own time, when the use of anesthetics in childbirth was regarded as a sin because it avoided the biblical curse pronounced against Eve.

The proverb says that Providence protects children and idiots. This is really true. I know because I have tested it.

All people have had ill luck, but Jairus's daughter and Lazarus had the worst.