...one of the first achievements of the legislature was to institute a ten-thousand-dollar agricultural fair to show off forty dollars' worth of pumpkins in - however, the Territorial legislature was usually spoken of as the "asylum".

I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much of it.

Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned

There isn't anything you can't stand if you are only born and bred to it.

There is nothing in the world like persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus.

A great, great deal has been said about the weather, but very little has ever been done.

We love old travelers: we love to hear them prate, drivel and lie; we love them for their asinine vanity, their ability to bore, their luxuriant fertility of imagination, their startling, brilliant, overwhelming mendacity.