What a man misses mostly in heaven is company.

The only people who should use the possessive 'we' are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms.

There are three kinds of liars: liars, damned liars, and statisticians

I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much of it.

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.

If to be interesting is to be uncommonplace, it is becoming a question, with me, if there are any commonplace people

I am aware that I am very old now; but I am also aware that I have never been so young as I am now, in spirit, since I was fourteen and entertained Jim Wolf with the wasps. I am only able to perceive that I am old by a mental process; I am altogether unable to feel old in spirit. It is a pity, too, for my lapses from gravity must surely often be a reproach to me. When I am in the company of very young people I always feel that I am one of them, and they probably privately resent it.