All saints can do miracles, but few of them can keep a hotel.

One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

Geniuses are people who dash off weird, wild, incomprehensible poems with astonishing facility, & then go & get booming drunk & sleep in the gutter. Genius elevates a man to ineffable speres [sic] far above the vulgar world, & fills his soul with a regal contempt for the gross & sordid things of earth. It is probably on account of this that people who have genius do not pay their board, as a general thing.

A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom when he can no longer be led by the nose.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

...the administration of the law can never go lax where every individual sees to it that it grows not lax in his own case, or in cases which fall under his eyes.