A great, great deal has been said about the weather, but very little has ever been done.

July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so

Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Truth is neither alive nor dead; it just aggravates itself all the time.

Custom is custom: it is built of brass, boiler-iron, granite; facts, reasonings, arguments have no more effect upon it than the idle winds have upon Gibraltar.

December is the toughest month of the year. Others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, October, August, and February.