College is a place where a professor's lecture notes go straight to the students' lecture notes, without passing through the brains of either.

I could forgive the boy, now, if he'd committed a million sins!

True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must.

The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of this world'd luxuries, king by grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took: we know it because she repented.

To say a compliment well is a high art and few possess it.