...fry me an optimist for breakfast.

Every civilization carries the seeds of its own destruction, and the same cycle shows in them all. The Republic is born, flourishes, decays into plutocracy, and is captured by the shoemaker whom the mercenaries and millionaires make into a king. The people invent their oppressors, and the oppressors serve the function for which they are invented.

There are three kinds of liars: liars, damned liars, and statisticians

I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly; but their wives had grown old. These were good women; it is very wearing to be good.

It's an epitome of life. The first half of it consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.

If there was two birds sitting on a fence, he would bet you which one would fly first.

Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.