The only people that a bank will loan money to is the very people who don't need it.

Prohibition only drives drunkenness behind doors and into dark places, and does not cure it or even diminish it.

Never waste a lie; you never know when you may need it.

I could forgive the boy, now, if he'd committed a million sins!

Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.

I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman.

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.