There is nothing that saps one's confidence as the knowing how to do a thing

We have to be despised by somebody whom we regard as above us, or we are not happy; we have to have somebody to worship and envy,or we cannot be content. In America we manifest this in all the ancient and customary ways. In public we scoff at titles and hereditary privilege, but privately we hanker after them, and when we get a chance we buy them for cash and a daughter.

What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must. Who is God, the one and only true? Money is God. Gold and Greenbacks and Stock-father, son, and ghosts of same, three persons in one; These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.

There is only one good sex. The female one.

...mastery of the art and spirit of the Germanic language enables a man to travel all day in one sentence without changing cars.

Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employs a million.

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.