In writing, I shall always confine myself strictly to the truth, except when it is attended with inconvenience.

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Go and surprise the whole country by doing something right.

Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.

The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.

Good exercise for the heart: reach out and help your neighbor

There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of feeling complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt.