When the Lord finished the world, he pronounced it good. That is what I said about my first work, too. But Time, I tell you, Time takes the confidence out of these incautious opinions. It is more than likely that He thinks about the world, now, pretty much as I think about the Innocents Abroad. The fact is, there is a trifle too much water in both.
Mark TwainTo place man properly at the present time, he stands somewhere between the angels and the French.
Mark TwainGiving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
Mark TwainLet us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.
Mark TwainProtestant parents still keep a Bible handy in the house, so that the children can study it, and one of the first things the little boys and girls learn is to be righteous and holy and not piss against the wall. They study those passages more than they study any others, except those which incite to masturbation. Those they hunt out and study in private.
Mark Twain