The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.

The Bible is a wonderful book; you can prove anything you want with it.

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.

I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent.

Strange a God who mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness, then invented hell; who mouths morals to other people and has none Himself; who frowns upon crimes yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon Himself; and finally with altogether divine obtuseness, invites this poor, abused slave to worship Him!

While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.

From his cradle to his grave a man never does a single thing which has any FIRST AND FOREMOST object but one -- to secure peace of mind, spiritual comfort, for HIMSELF.