When I want to read something nice, I sit down and write it myself.
Chastity - you can carry it too far.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment, anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
Honesty is often the best policy, but sometimes the appearance of it is worth six of it.
If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance, and hit him with a brick.
Simple rules for saving money: To save half, when you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to a charity, wait and count to forty. To save three quarters, count sixty. To save all, count sixty-five.