One holds a bottle of red wine by the neck, a woman by the waist, and a bottle of champagne by the derriere.

I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating than the man who invented retreating.

The history of our race, and each individual’s experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Do you reckon Tom Sawyer was satisfied after all them adventures?

But death was sweet, death was gentle, death was kind; death healed the bruised spirit and the broken heart, and gave them rest and forgetfulness; death was man’s best friend; when man could endure life no longer, death came and set him free.

What is there in Rome for me to see that others have not seen before me? What is there for me to touch that others have not touched? What is there for me to feel, to learn, to hear, to know, that shall thrill me before it pass to others? What can I discover?--Nothing. Nothing whatsoever. One charm of travel dies here.