Priapism is what happens when someone gets strangulated to the point of hypoxia.

I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.

Wagner has some great moments, but a lot of miserable half hours.

Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul.

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.

I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly; but their wives had grown old. These were good women; it is very wearing to be good.