He was endowed with a stupidity which by the least little stretch would go around the globe four times and tie.

In all my travels the thing that has impressed me the most is the universal brotherhood of man-what there is of it.

I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.

Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have wasted their time on poorly written fiction.

Delicacy - a sad, sad false delicacy - robs literature of the two best things among its belongings: Family-circle narratives & obscene stories.

I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.

Unused talents gives you no advantage over someone who has no talent at all.