Happiness ain't a thing in itself - it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant.

Politicians, old buildings, and prostitutes become respectable with age.

I am the entire human race compacted together. I have found that there is no ingredient of the race which I do not possess in either a small way or a large way.

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government and the sure and gradual deterioration of the public morals.

If your mother tells you to do a thing, it is wrong to reply that you won't. It is better and more becoming to intimate that you will do as she bids you, and then afterwards act quietly in the matter according to the dictates of your better judgment.

A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?