Happiness ain't a thing in itself - it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant.

All say, ‘how hard it is that we have to die’ -- a strange complaint to come from the mouths of those who have had to live.

Always obey your parents - when they are present.

The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.

Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that.

Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

What do we call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness? Different results of the master impulse, the necessity of securing one's self-approval.