Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.

I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent.

There is no such thing as material covetousness. All covetousness is spiritual. ...Any so-called material thing that you want is merely a symbol: you want it not for itself, but because it will content your spirit for the moment.

I smoke in moderation. Only one cigar at a time.

Gratitude is a debt which usually goes on accumulating like blackmail; the more you pay, the more is exacted.

He could charm an audience an hour on a stretch without ever getting rid of an idea.

Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.