We regret the things we don't do more than the things we do.

A marriage...makes of two fractional lives a whole; it gives to two purposeless lives a work, and doubles the strength of each to perform it; it gives to two questioning natures a reason for living, and something to live for; it will give a new gladness to the sunshine, a new fragrance to the flowers, a new beauty to the earth, and a new mystery to life.

A mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top.

It takes some little time to accept and realize the fact that while you have been growing old, your friends have not been standing still, in that matter.

The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass. If the case be otherwise, I beg his pardon and extend to him the cordial hand of fellowship and call him brother.

History never repeats itself; at best it sometimes rhymes.

Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.