There's nobody for me to attack in this matter even with soft and gentle ridicule-and I shouldn't ever think of using a grown up weapon in this kind of a nursery. Above all, I couldn't venture to attack the clergymen whom you mention, for I have their habits and live in the same glass house which they are occupying. I am always reading immoral books on the sly, and then selfishly trying to prevent other people from having the same wicked good time.

It is not a new thing for a thoroughly good and well-meaning preacher´s soft heart to run away with his soft head.

You can't keep a juvenile moral institution alive on two displays of its sash per year.

It is easy to find fault, if one has that disposition. There was once a man who, not being able to find any other fault with his coal, complained that there were too many prehistoric toads in it.

They do say that when a man starts down hill everybody is ready to help him with a kick, and I suppose it is so.

Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.

You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use.