If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He; for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, "As unhappy as God."

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you know ain't so'.

You can't pray a lie -- I found that out.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

A dream...I was trying to explain to St. Peter, and was doing it in the German tongue, because I didn't want to be too explicit.

The community is eminently Portuguese - that is to say, it is slow, poor, shiftless, sleepy, and lazy.