Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

The peoples furthest from civilization are the ones where equality between man and woman are furthest apart-and we consider this one of the signs of savagery.

My father was a Saint Bernard, my mother was a Collie, but I am a Presbyterian.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

One holds a bottle of red wine by the neck, a woman by the waist, and a bottle of champagne by the derriere.

Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket" - which is but a matter of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET." - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

There is no such thing as material covetousness. All covetousness is spiritual. ...Any so-called material thing that you want is merely a symbol: you want it not for itself, but because it will content your spirit for the moment.