There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others.

More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the [biblical] texts that authorised them remain.

Civilization largely consists in hiding human nature. When the barbarian learns to hide it we account him enlightened.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations, and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion.

The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.