Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon.

A sincere compliment is always grateful to a lady, so long as you don't try to knock her down with it.

Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.

The piano may do for love-sick girls who lace themselves to skeletons, and lunch on chalk, pickles and slate pencils, but give me the banjo.

Figures don't lie, but liars figure.

It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want—oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so!

You can't throw too much style into a miracle.