How often we recall with regret that Napoleon once shot at a magazine editor and missed him and killed a publisher. But we remember with charity that his intentions were good.

The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass. If the case be otherwise, I beg his pardon and extend to him the cordial hand of fellowship and call him brother.

When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

There is a great difference between feeding parties to wild beasts and stirring up their finer feelings in an inquisition. One is the system of degraded barbarians, the other of enlightened civilized people.

In the South the war is what A.D. is elsewhere; they date from it.

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.

Adam was the luckiest man in the world. He had no mother-in-law.