No sane man can be happy, for to him life is real, and he sees what a fearful thing it is.

Not all the Greek runners in the original Olympics were totally naked. Some wore shoes.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories— and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures.

When in doubt tell the truth. It will confound your enemies and astound your friends.

You can't pray a lie -- I found that out.

A German joke is no laughing matter.