When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.

Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.

I can't do no literary work for the rest of this year because I'm meditating another lawsuit and looking around for a defendant.

I never could keep a promise. I do not blame myself for this weakness, because the fault must lie in my physical organization. It is likely that such a very liberal amount of space was given to the organ which enables me to make promises that the organ which should enable me to keep them was crowded out. But I grieve not. I like no half-way things. I had rather have one faculty nobly developed than two faculties of mere ordinary capacity.

Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.

The bane of Americans is overwork-and the ruin of any work is a divided interest. Concentrate-concentrate. One thing at a time.

Congress: America's only true criminal class.