Thanksgiving Day - Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys, they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

When one has tasted watermelons, one knows what angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took; we know it because she repented.

Every man has a secret ambition: To outsmart horses, fish and women.

The heart is the real fountain of youth.

I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.