I have seen an entire family lifted out of poverty and into affluence by the simple boon of a broken leg. I have had people come to me on crutches, with tears in their eyes, to bless this beneficient institution. In all my experiences of life, I have seen nothing so seraphic as the look that comes into a freshly mutilated man's face when he feels in his vest pocket with his remaining hand and finds his accident ticket all right.

the more I know about people, the better I like my dogs.

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

Between believing a thing and thinking you KNOW is only a small step and quickly taken.

The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.

He had only one vanity; he thought he could give advice better than any other person.

The government is merely a servant―merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them.