Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.

Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick; but every time you's gwyne to git well agin.

We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents.

If the Christians of America could be persuaded to vote God and a clean ticket, it would bring about a moral revolution that would be incalculably beneficent. It would save the country.

If the bubble reputation can be obtained only at the cannon's mouth, I am willing to go there for it, provided the cannon is empty.

An American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi-Gras in New Orleans.

America cannot have an empire abroad and a Republic at home.