I'm all for prosperity. It's change I object to.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. Exercise is loathsome. And it cannot be any benefit when you are tired; and I was always tired.

In statesmanship get formalities right, never mind about the moralities.

No man that has ever lived has done a thing to please God--primarily. It was done to please himself, then God next.

I was born modest, but it didn't last.

I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.