A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.

It takes some little time to accept and realize the fact that while you have been growing old, your friends have not been standing still, in that matter.

The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.

New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.

It is easier for a cannibal to enter the Kingdom of Heaven through the eye of a rich man's needle that it is for any other foreigner to read the terrible German script.

The cigar-box which the European calls a 'lift' needs but to be compared with our elevators to be appreciated. The lift stops to reflect between floors. That is all right in a hearse, but not in elevators. The American elevator acts like a man's patent purge-it works.

I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.