The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that wears a fig-leaf.

I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.

My own luck has been curious all my literary life; I never could tell a lie that anyone would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe.

I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.

It's easy to endure adversity -- if it happens to someone else.

...Man is a marvelous curiosity. When he is at his very very best he is a sort of low grade nickel-plated angel; at his worst he is unspeakable, unimaginable; and first and last and all the time he is a sarcasm. Yet he blandly and in all sincerity calls himself the 'noblest work of God.'

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.