The observance of Thanksgiving Day-as a function-has become general of late years. The Thankfulness is not so general. This is natural. Two-thirds of the nation have always had hard luck and a hard time during the year, and this has a calming effect upon their enthusiasm.

A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt

I'm all for prosperity. It's change I object to.

Switzerland would me a mighty big place if it were ironed flat.

Truth is stranger than fiction-to some people, but I am measurably familiar with it.

One holds a bottle of red wine by the neck, a woman by the waist, and a bottle of champagne by the derriere.

Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of times.