A distinguished man should be as particular about his last words as he is about his last breath. He should write them out on a slip of paper and take the judgment of his friends on them. He should never leave such a thing to the last hour of his life, and trust to an intellectual spurt at the last moment to enable him to say something smart with his latest gasp and launch into eternity with grandeur.

The true pioneer of civilization is not the newspaper, not religion, not the railroad - but whiskey!

To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

There is nothing in the world like persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus.

The miracle or the power that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application and perseverance under the promptings of a brave, determined spirit.

I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.