In America, we hurry-which is well; but when the day's work is done, we go on thinking of losses and gains, we plan for the morrow, we even carry our business cares to bed with us...we burn up our energies with these excitements, and either die early or drop into a lean and mean old age at a time of life which they call a man's prime in Europe...What a robust people, what a nation of thinkers we might be, if we would only lay ourselves on the shelf occasionally and renew our edges!

There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home.

I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the #‎ telephone .

Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.

The Mississippi River will always have its own way; no engineering skill can persuade it to do otherwise.

There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.

I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.