Humor is like a frog; if you dissect it, it dies.

The very "marks" on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering ecstasy.

Next to possessing genius one's self is the power of appreciating it in others.

Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born -a hundred million years -and I have suffered more in an hour, in this life, than I remember to have suffered in the whole hundred million years put together. There was a peace, a serenity, an absence of all sense of responsibility, an absence of worry, an absence of care, grief, perplexity; and the presence of a deep content and unbroken satisfaction in that hundred million years of holiday which I look back upon with a tender longing and with a grateful desire to resume, when the opportunity comes.

The people of those foreign countries are very, very ignorant. They looked curiously at the costumes we had brought from the wilds of America. They observed that we talked loudly at table sometimes. They noticed that we looked out for expenses and got what we conveniently could out of a franc, and wondered where in the mischief we came from. In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.