I pledged myself to smoke but one cigar a day. I kept the cigar waiting until bedtime, then I had a luxurious time with it. But desire persecuted me every day and all day long. I found myself hunting for larger cigars...within the month my cigar had grown to such proportions I could have used it as a crutch.

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

It was the schoolboy who said, ""Faith is believing what you know ain't so.""

One of life's most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse; of one of life's least appreciated pleasures in defecation.

A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.

A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.