That is a society editor, sitting there elegantly dressed, with his legs crossed in that indolent way, observing the clothes the ladies wear, so that he can describe them for his paper and make them out finer than they are and get bribes for it and become wealthy.

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out.

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.

I am not an American. I am the American.

The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. I speak now, of course, in the supposition that the gentle reader has not been abroad, and therefore is not already a consummate ass. If the case be otherwise, I beg his pardon and extend to him the cordial hand of fellowship and call him brother.