If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy.

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

I begin to see that a man's got to be in his own heaven to be happy.

Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.

Whenever a copyright law is to be made or altered, then the idiots assemble.

The new political gospel: public office is private graft.

Does the human being reason? No; he thinks, muses, reflects, but does not reason...that is, in the two things which are the peculiar domain of the heart, not the mind, politics and religion. He doesn't want to know the other side. He wants arguments and statistics for his own side, and nothing more.