That which was hard to endure is sweet to remember.

If there is a God, he is a malign thug.

A little starvation can really do more for the average sick man than can the best medicines and the best doctors.

And I urge upon you this - which I think is wisdom - if you find you can't make seventy by any but an uncomfortable road, don't you go.

There is only one good sex. The female one.

Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect of the pencil, you will say that she did it with her teeth.

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.