Heaven is the very last place to come to rest and don't you be afraid to bet on that!

The first half of my life I went to school, the second half of my life I got an education.

The pulpit and the optimist are always talking about the human race's steady march toward ultimate perfection. As usual, they leave out the statistics. It is the pulpit's way - the optimist's way.

A German joke is no laughing matter.

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.