Always do what's right. That will gratify some and surprise the rest.

The average man is what his environment and his superstitions have made him; and their function is to make him an ass. He can't add up three or four new circumstances together and perceive what they mean; it is beyond him. He is not capable of observing for himself; he has to get everything at second-hand. If what are miscalled the lower animals were as silly as man is, they would all perish from the earth in a year.

Chastity - you can carry it too far.

There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of feeling complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt.

A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

If ever you've been down in the dumps, hear these iconic authors share with you more than their writing wisdom.