Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.

Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon.

Never learn to do anything: if you don't learn, you'll always find someone else to do it for you.

There isn't any way to libel the human race.

The person who has no opinion will seldom be wrong.

If your mother tells you to do a thing, it is wrong to reply that you won't. It is better and more becoming to intimate that you will do as she bids you, and then afterwards act quietly in the matter according to the dictates of your better judgment.

If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely I should be.