Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life.

If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

The funniest things are the forbidden.

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others.

Whiskey is for drinking; water is for fighting over.

...we all know that in all matters of mere opinion that [every] man is insane-just as insane as we are...we know exactly where to put our finger upon his insanity: it is where his opinion differs from ours....All Democrats are insane, but not one of them knows it. None but the Republicans. All the Republicans are insane, but only the Democrats can perceive it. The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

Literature is well enough, as a time-passer, and for the improvement and general elevation and purification of mankind, but it has no practical value.