The true and lasting genius of humour does not drag you thus to boxes labelled 'pathos,' 'humour,' and show you all the mechanism of the inimitable puppets that are going to perform. How I used to laugh at Simon Tapperwit, and the Wellers, and a host more! But I can't do it now somehow; and time, it seems to me, is the true test of humour. It must be antiseptic.

Slang in a woman's mouth is not obscene, it only sounds so.

Satan (impatiently) to Newcomer: The trouble with you Chicago people is, that you think you are the best people down here; whereas you are merely the most numerous.

Stars and shadows ain't good to see by.

My land, the power of training! Of influence! Of education! It can bring a body up to believe anything.

Who is this Renaissance? Where did he come from? Who gave him permission to cram the Republic with his execrable daubs?

I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.