The true and lasting genius of humour does not drag you thus to boxes labelled 'pathos,' 'humour,' and show you all the mechanism of the inimitable puppets that are going to perform. How I used to laugh at Simon Tapperwit, and the Wellers, and a host more! But I can't do it now somehow; and time, it seems to me, is the true test of humour. It must be antiseptic.

If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, who would escape hanging?

I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent.

History doesn't repeat itself; it rhymes.

Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.

Death is the starlit strip between the companionship of yesterday and the reunion of tomorrow.

If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.