I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.

If you have to swallow a frog, don't stare at it too long.

I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.

Until I came to New Mexico, I never realized how much beauty water adds to a river.

Humor is tragedy plus time.