The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.

I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.

It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.

Circumstance - which moves by laws of its own, regardless of parties and policies, and whose decrees are final and must be obeyed by all - and will be

It may have happened, it may not have happened but it could have happened.