The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.

When one's character begins to fall under suspicion and disfavor, how swift, then, is the work of disintegration and destruction.

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

Indeed, none but the Deity can tell what is good luck and what is bad before the returns are all in.

Steal a chicken if you get a chance, Huck, because if you don't want it, someone else does and a good deed ain't never forgotten.

Let your joy be unconfined!