The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.

Newport, Rhode Island, that breeding place-that stud farm, so to speak-of aristocracy; aristocracy of the American type.

We adore titles and heredities in our hearts and ridicule them with our mouths. This is our democratic privilege.

You believe in a book that has talking animals, wizards, witches, demons, sticks turning into snakes, burning bushes, food falling from the sky, people walking on water, and all sorts of magical, absurd and primitive stories, and you say that we are the ones that need help?

Conscience, man's moral medicine chest.

Every man feels that his experience is unlike that of anybody else and therefore he should write it down-- he finds also that everybody else has thought and felt on some points precisely as he has done, and therefore he should write it down.

The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.